Why Me?

Over the past several days I've found myself wondering -- why me?

Why did God choose to bless me so much? I never have and never will deserve His blessings, yet He keeps sending them my way day after day after day. I moan and groan, gripe and complain, and whine and cry most of the time, so what kind of God could care enough to bless a person like that? My God, that's who -- my Heavenly Father. It is something I will never understand -- it's just so mind boggling!

This morning my eyes opened to the sight of another beautiful day; my lungs inhaled and exhaled air; my legs walked me through my daily routine of getting ready for work; my ears heard the priceless songs of grateful little birds; and the list of blessings just in the past couple of hours goes on and on.

What will I do with this day? Will I wish for 5:00 to be here so that I can leave this place or will I be thankful to have an 8-hour-a-day job where I can do some small part to help provide for our family? Will I snap at my co-workers in anger or will I try my best to show them God's love? Will my cup be half full or half empty?

Today, I choose to try with everything that is in me to be thankful for the blessings I have been given! Again, I ask -- why me? The only answer I have is because: JESUS LOVES ME, THIS I KNOW!!

Freckles are Our Friends

The little guy in today's post is yet another one of my all time favorite little people! His name is Matthew and he's in the 1st grade. He and his beautiful family left our church awhile back to join another church, but they will always, always, always be part of the Balsam Baptist Church family.

This kid will absolutely crack you up because you never know what he's going to say; yet, it seems that whatever comical thing he says is so appropriate for that particular moment in time. His smile melts my heart absolutely in two! But, one of my most favorite features of Matthew is his freckles!! You see, I'm somewhat a "person of freckles" myself, and while I used to absolutely hate them with every ounce of my being, I've become quite accustomed to them over the years, and they don't seem nearly as ugly to me now as they once did. Matthew's freckles, however, run in a little patch from his cheek on one side right over that cute little nose to his cheek on the other side. They just add so much to this little fella's already bubbly personality. He's quite a handsome young man and is the "mini-me" version of his daddy, Randy.

The beautiful young lady in today's post is Matthew's sister, Breanna. She is a great combination of her mom and dad, and I don't believe dad's feelings would be hurt if I said that she is absolutely as lovely as her Mom. But, the most wonderful thing about Breanna is that she isn't just beautiful on the outside. She has the sweetest spirit inside, and that makes her extra special!

I seriously miss getting to see the Lucas family on a regular basis, but they are always in my heart and I think of them often. They are without a doubt one of the most special families in my life and I thank God for allowing me the opportunity to love them!

Love Comes in Small Packages

See that cute little guy with the glasses and the backpack? Well, that's Morgan Barnes, one of my favorite fellas in the whole wide world! You see, I've known him since his beautiful mommy carried him in her belly, and I've watched him grow from the sweetest little bundle of joy into a proud kindergartner. I love him soooooo much!! Today is his first day of kindergarten, and while I'm sure there was a certain amount of nervousness on the part of him and his mom about "leaving the nest" and embarking into a whole new world, his mom says he (and she) did just great and there were no tears shed at all when they parted ways at school this morning. YIPPEE!! What a big boy!

Morgan has the greatest older sister you'd ever want to know and he loves his sister more than words can say. He's watched her every move and, even though I'm sure they have their disagreements every now and then, I believe he looks up to Melissa with the utmost respect. I've also watched her grow up from the time she was in her mom's belly -- what a sweetheart! That, of course, is her with the glasses and the beautiful smile.

Morgan's all time favorite thing is Thomas the Tank Engine. That boy eats, drinks, sleeps and breathes Thomas! I'm not sure whether or not he knows it, but Thomas the Tank Engine has a fan for life, for I firmly believe that even when Morgan Barnes is a man, he will still be one of Thomas' biggest fans! It should be quite obvious which picture is Thomas.

It's a bittersweet feeling that I have in my heart right now. On the one hand, it's very sad that the years have flown by so fast and that now Morgan is old enough to go to school. On the other hand, it's such a blessing from God for me to have had the opportunity to have him in my life for 5-1/2 years, and I pray I will have him and his entire wonderful family in my life for many years to come.

I love you, little man -- with all my heart and soul!! God bless you!

The Main Thing

I've been hearing quite a bit lately about churches who are experiencing turmoil internally and about some who are even tearing apart at the seams, and I find myself asking over and over -- "Why?" The only answer I can come up with is what my pastor has said time and time and time again from the pulpit -- "We have made church all about "us" -- mere, mortal, imperfect humans -- and we are not keeping the main thing the main thing!" And, the main thing is JESUS CHRIST!! After all, what other reason do we have for going to church?

Oh, don't get me wrong, the fellowship with our brothers and sisters in Christ is something that can be bought with no amount of money, but the whole purpose of church is to worship the Lord. Are we there to put on a fashion show in order to get compliments on our clothing or to try to outdress Sister Sue or Brother Bill? Are we there to have our bottoms powdered, our backs patted and our feelings soothed? Are we there to serve on committees, teach classes, etc. in order to have something upstanding to put on our resumes under the heading "Civic Activities"? Are we there because our ancestors had a falling out with the ancestors of someone else in that church 100 years ago and, by gosh, we have to go in order to defend our ancestors' beliefs? And probably not even knowing the reason for the falling out in the first place?

If we answer "yes" to ANY of the above questions, then my friend we have failed to keep the main thing the main thing! God is not impressed by our clothing; He doesn't care about our resumes; and He's more than likely quite nauseated by the years of animosity between church members! And, while He does care about our feelings, my belief is that He expects at some point for us to grow up and get over the need for powdered bottoms, patted backs and soothed feelings!

Then, I find myself asking "Why?" again. "Why can't we just go to church to worship our Omnicient, Omnipotent and Omnipresent God?" After all, HE IS THE REASON WE WORSHIP!! No matter what we have been through in the past, what we are going through right now, or what we will face in the future, our Heavenly Father suffered so much more than we ever have or will when He took the sins of the entire world upon His shoulders, hung on that cross, poured out every drop of blood in His body, and endured the most horrible death imaginable. Any problems we have pale in comparison.

I just know in my heart that if church members were diligent in keeping their eyes focused on Jesus and on trying to reach lost souls for Jesus -- leaving self completely out of the picture --everything else would take care of itself. Churches would thrive, people would love each other and most important of all -- lost people would be saved!! And that, dear friend, is the MAIN thing!!

Reminiscing

Even though I have lived in North Carolina for 10 years longer than I lived in South Carolina, my entire family is still in South Carolina and there are many times I find myself missing them so very much. Today, for whatever reason, I've had my brother on my mind. So, I dusted off an old poem I wrote as a present for him for Christmas 2005. I hope those who read it will enjoy it, and I hope it causes you to have fond memories as you think about your "growing up" years. By the way, that's my "Bubba" in the picture on this post.

My Thanks for Our Family

From the same womb we both entered this world;
Two years apart -- you a boy, me a girl.
You were the first one to make your debut,
With sandy brown hair and eyes azure blue.
Born to a couple with hearts full of love,
They both knew this miracle came from above.

Such joy you brought to your parents each day.
“Watch over our baby”, to God they did pray.
“Please bless him and keep him in Your loving arms,
And, Heavenly Father, protect him from harm.”
Day after day you developed and grew,
Then all of a sudden, guess what? There were two!

I came along with my eyes also blue,
I’m sure people thought that I looked just like you.
Were you proud of your sister, my Bubba, so dear?
Or, did my presence cause you a measure of fear?
Were you eager to hold me and kiss my bald head?
Or, did this “competition” make you angry instead?

Our parents loved us so much, you and me.
But, I think we convinced them they didn’t need three!
We sure had our moments, some good and some bad.
Looking back, though, I know those were the best years we had.
We didn’t have money or treasures galore,
But with all of that love, we just didn’t need more.

They raised us the best that they could, Mom and Dad.
We didn’t own much, but each other we had.
They took us to church and taught us of God,
And firmly believed in not “sparing the rod”!
They worked very hard so that our needs were met.
No better parents could two children get.

We weren’t perfect children, oh no, not at all!
There were plenty of times we would stumble and fall.
I guess we’re the reason their hair turned to gray,
And the reason they prayed so much day after day.
I often wondered, “Are we causing them pain?”
“And do they ever wish it was just them again?

Yet, no matter what trials we both put them through,
They were always still willing to say, “I love you.”
They watched us with love in that “growing up” time,
As you became your own person and I became mine.
We didn’t always make choices that they’d like us to,
But they stood right there with us, their love saw us through.

We’re fortunate people, God has blessed us so much!
With His sweet gentle Spirit and His soft loving touch.
What more could we ask? We have blessings untold,
With fond memories to comfort us when we are old.
As the years come and go, I’m more thankful each day
That God chose to shine on our lives in this way!

Written by: Dawne Jennings Coward

December 16, 2005

Fire Trucks, Family and Fun

I have just returned from a 4-day trip to Raleigh where I enjoyed spending time with my family at the North Carolina State Firemen's Association 2009 Expo. My husband, who is the treasurer of this State association, worked extremely hard alongside other members of that board to ensure everything ran smoothly. I have to say that I've never seen so many HUGE fire trucks on display in one place, and there were various and sundry emergency service-related vendors there as well. We were fortunate to have the opportunity to stay in a really nice hotel that had an underground connector to the Raleigh Convention Center where all the festivities took place.

But, had there been no fire trucks, vendors, or nice hotels, it still would have been one of the most special weekends I've had in a long time. On the drive to Raleigh Thursday, I caught myself with a perpetual smile on my face just listening to my children (who aren't really children anymore -- but who will always be my babies) joking, laughing and having the time of their lives. I didn't realize how much I missed that -- they were like little boys again! As we strolled together along the streets of Raleigh and along the vendor floor of the convention center, I silently and consistently thanked God for allowing me to spend this precious time with my boys.

I returned home on Sunday with a renewed sense of thankfulness for God's undeserved yet unending blessings. God is good -- ALL THE TIME!!

Simple Things

I have a lot of time to think in the mornings when I'm the only person awake at our house. So, in the shower and/or sitting in front of the make-up mirror, I can normally be found "pondering". This morning, for some reason, my mind was on the simple things in life. I'm not a person who needs material things to be happy -- oh, yeah -- it's wonderful to have luxuries such as a home, a car, a job, etc. But, it occurred to me this morning that it's the smallest things I am the most guilty of taking for granted.

For instance, sometimes I don't really like the vision that is staring back at me in that make-up mirror, but then I think, "You know what? Like it or not, it's the face God gave you and you need to be thankful for eyes that have the option of seeing that face. Many people would love to know what it feels like to be able to see!"

Then, there are days when I get up to walk down the hall and my knees ache, pop and crack so much so that I worry sometimes if they're going to carry me one step further! And, I think,"You should be very grateful you have the ability to walk -- many people are not that fortunate!"

And, every time I turned over in the bed last night I woke up because of the smell of homemade apple butter cooking in the crockpot in my kitchen. One time I thought to myself, "Man, I sure wish I had waited to do that during that day so the smell wouldn't keep waking me up and starving me to death!" And, then I thought, "You ingrateful horse's patoot -- why can't you just be glad you have a nose that works instead of fussing about it keeping you awake?"

So, when the coyotes decided to make a pass through the woods next to my house this morning, screaming at the top of their lungs and scaring me to death, I thought "Those are God's creatures and, even though you don't know what it is, He DID have a reason for creating them. Besides that, you should be thrilled you have good ears that can hear them scream!" Just think about all those people who hear nothing -- all day long -- day in and day out.

Yep -- senses are such simple things but -- WOW -- what an impact they make on our lives on a daily basis! Yet we go about seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting, feeling, etc., rarely taking the time to appreciate the ability to do all that.

Thank you, God, for reminding me to be grateful for THE SIMPLE THINGS!

Doors Are Our Friend

I must admit that I've never really given much consideration to the importance of doors. I mean, let's face it, they're only a piece of wood or metal with a couple of hinges, a knob and maybe a glass insert, right? Yeah -- they serve their purpose; for example, they keep out the cold wind; they allow us to go to the outside world and view God's majesty; and they allow us to walk back into our homes where we feel safe and secure.

Well, this morning at 3:00, I acquired a new appreciation for doors, because it was our back door that separated us from a 5-1/2 to 6-ft., 250-275 lb. black bear! We were lying there in our beds snoozing peacefully, and all of a sudden I heard a loud noise. I woke up hubby and told him I thought our visitor from yesterday had returned. So, we got up, tip-toed down the hallway to the back door and I reached over and flipped on the light. OH MY GOODNESS!! What a massive creature we saw. It's head and rear-end were humongous. It had its head down in the dog food bowl munching away. Did my turning on the light phase it? Nope -- not one little iota! Finally, it turned and we thought it was going to go down the steps -- NOT! As it was facing the door, all of a sudden it went from its all-fours to the standing position and just glared at us through the door. We were totally and completely awestruck! After staring at us for what seemed an eternity, it turned on its haunches and put its front two paws on the gas grill, and that's when we got worried it would start ripping the grill cover and destroying the grill. So, hubby kicked the inside of the door really hard with his foot and the bear finally bounded off down the steps and left.

We returned to bed, the hair standing straight up on our arms and neck and our knees as weak as dishwater. It was at that moment I realized how thankful I am for doors -- doors that separate us from impending danger! Yep -- doors are our friends!

Blessings and Bears

What a wonderful weekend! Busy, busy, busy -- but wonderful. We have been remodeling our kitchen for three weeks now and, thanks to our electrician son, were finally able to get the new microwave and dishwasher in working order, the outlet moved for the stove, and a new light installed in the dining room. So, then began the process of re-stocking the new kitchen cabinets and drawers and finally -- I cooked my first meal in the new kitchen on Sunday -- hooray!! I'm so very blessed to have 1) an AWESOME God 2) a WONDERFUL family and 3) a brand new kitchen! And to make life even better, on Sunday morning one of the little guys in my Sunday School class gave me a great big hug and kiss and said, "Ms. Dawne, I WUV YOU!" Folks, it just doesn't get much better than that! Thank you, Lord, for your blessings on me!

On Friday I put a post on my profile page on Facebook that said, "Count your many blessings, name them one by one!" And, now I'm just wondering, do I have to count that bear that invaded my property this morning as a blessing? There I sat, all alone at the make-up mirror in my bathroom, the only soul in my house awake, when all of a sudden I heard this horrible noise. I jumped up and ran to the back deck just in time to see the shadow of a bear going up into the woods. It was barely daylight, so I couldn't tell exactly how big this furry critter was, but I know he or she must have been quite large -- judging from the looks of the 30-gallon trash can that we use for spare dog food storage. Old Smoky gave that can a great big old bear hug, squished it flat, popped the top off, and ate every bite of dog food inside! In addition, we have one of those tall plastic self-feeding containers for the dog and it was ripped to shreds, void of one morsel of food! I'm just very grateful that it didn't rip the cover off the gas grill and tear it up trying to get to the little drip pan underneath. I hope he or she doesn't realize they forgot about the grill and decides to "visit" again tonight! I foolishly didn't realize when I got married, left the flat lands of South Carolina, and moved to the mountains of western North Carolina, that I was signing up to contend with bears. But, it is what it is, and they have their place on this earth just like everyone and everything else. So, I suppose we will co-exist as best we can. One thing is certain -- I'm gonna give a bear ALL THE ROOM IT WANTS!!

A Warm Fuzzy Feeling

What an awesome time we had with the youth from our church last night stuffing back-to-school backpacks at the Jackson County Department of Social Services! It gave me such a great feeling in my heart to know that in some small way we played a part in helping provide those who are less fortunate with the supplies they need to get them started off to a great school year.

Do we know these children? Maybe -- maybe not -- but we can't be sure because they were all assigned a number and the employees of DSS are the only ones who know which backpack goes to which child. Do we need to know these children? Oh, I'm sure our lives would be much richer by knowing them, but in the grand scheme of things -- what difference does it make? They are each known and loved in a very special way by our Heavenly Father, and that's ALL that we need to know!

Thank you so much, employees of Jackson County DSS, for the obvious love you feel in your hearts for the youth of our county! And thank you from the youth and youth committee members of Balsam Baptist Church for extending that love even further by allowing us to help brighten a kid's day! May God bless you all.

Thursday's Thoughts

Wow -- what a busy day! But, you know what? I'm thankful to God for my job. There are days when I find it extremely difficult to drag myself out of the bed and come in here, but then I tell myself how fortunate I am to be among the ranks of the employed in a world where many, many others are not so fortunate. So, I try to crawl out of that bed with a grateful attitude because I have the health and strength to work in order to contribute some small portion to my household income! God is good -- ALL THE TIME!

Today was a bittersweet day for me because one of the youth from our church was delivered safely by his parents to his first day of college. I'm sure it was a tearful ride back home for the parents, but at the same time I'm positive they are very proud of their baby boy, who isn't much of a baby anymore! I've known this guy since his mom carried him in her belly, and through our affiliation at church I have played a small role in helping to raise him. So, he feels just like one of my own. I couldn't help shedding some tears today just thinking about how much I'm going to miss him! Godspeed, Jordan!

We also have another beautiful young lady from our church who has chosen to serve her country in the military and she, too, feels like one of my own children! I pray daily that God will send his angels to watch over her and keep her safe. I can't begin to imagine the pride and fear in her parents' hearts! Her great smile and bubbly personality will definitely be missed at church. Godspeed, Angela!

Yet another one of our youth will be leaving us in just a few short days to go away to college as well. This one I also watched grow from a baby to a beautiful young woman. She came to us through a foster family in our church and later would become this foster family's adopted daughter. What a blessing she has been over the years. Her smiling face will be greatly missed at Balsam Baptist Church! Godspeed, Nikki!

While it would be wonderful if we could keep them little for just awhile longer, it's so wonderful to see these kids spread their wings and take flight! I am a better person for having them all in my life. Thank you, God!